I killed a mouse, today.

We’ve got a little mouse problem. Well, not-so-little as they seem to be getting bigger and bigger as we take longer and longer to kill them.

Last week we trapped four of them on glue traps, but there was the one…the smart one…the big one…the motha’-fucka’ that just wouldn’t toe the line and put himself (or herself) on said traps and sacrifice himself for my peace of mind.

This morning…I was sitting on the shitter (I know, too much information)…and I watched as “The Big One” leaped off the bathroom sink and scurried under the door. First of all, I was really proud of myself because I didn’t squeal at the top of my lungs like a pre-teen girl (although if it had crawled on my feet or some such, falsetto wouldn’t begin to describe the sound you’d hear).

Second of all…THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE! I thought the first one was “The Big One”…this was “The Bigger One”! It didn’t leap off the bathroom sink like tBO. No…tBerO decided to just saunter across the sink, meander really, and plant himself between the backsplash and my toiletry bag.

Mistake for tBerO! I balled up my fist and **SMASHED** the toiletry bag, with its bar of soap, bottle of lotion, and … hey *that’s* where my comb went! … anyway smashed it ***SMASHED*** the toiletry bag against the backsplash.

I moved the bag away, and peeked right into the eyes of tBerO; I didn’t think it was dead at first, but of course, an alive tBerO wouldn’t be just hanging around watching me watching him.

All the commotion woke up Boyfriend, luckily, since now the adrenaline was starting to fade away, I couldn’t even be anywhere near the mouse carcass. And then the reality of the situation draped across me like a silk veil: I’M A MOUSE MURDERER!

Any minute now, Mouse Briscoe and Mouse McCoy were going to come after me on Mouse Law & Order and put me in front of a Mouse Judge where the Mouse A.D.A. was going to convince her that I was responsible for Mouse-Murder in the First Degree! And I’d get convicted, too, because a) I look like a Mouse Murderer and b) that A.D.A. is *really* good at her job.

On the flip side, Boyfriend is calling me his “Manly Mouse Hunter”. ***blush***

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1 Response to “I killed a mouse, today.”


  1. 1 Boyfriend February 13, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    It’s true. He then begged me to remove the carcass for autopsy and cause of death. This morning we had a role reversal as #1 mouse was still chillin’ near the birdcage in the bathroom (moved in there for heating economy). It was also somewhat cavalier but once it realized I was serious it succeeded in scurrying away like the coward it is. If a second sticky trap was in the bathroom at the time, though, I’d have had him. He won’t last the next 20 hours. We guarantee it!!!


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